It was almost ten years ago that I started to "never say never". At a horse show nearly 17 years ago my mom pointed out a skinny little cowboy. She said "see that Bubba Petty over there? I have a feeling that you are going to marry him!". I looked at my mom in complete disgust and stated that I "will NEVER marry a cowboy, let alone one named Bubba!". Seven years later I happily ate my words!
The last ten years of our relationship have been NEARLY perfect. I say nearly because we have had to deal with an immense amount of loss. To sum it up: 3 lost pregnancy's, a hysterectomy, a failed private adoption, and most recently the placement of a newborn who was then returned to his birth parents after a month of him being "ours".
In the middle of all that pain, we were blessed to have gotten Hayden. It was an 18 month ordeal to finalize his adoption. There were many times that we thought we might lose him! In the end, the stress was well worth it and he is what I live and die for! He is our world.
Infertility is a difficult cross to bare. As a women you often wonder; what is wrong with me? I can't even do the one thing I was put on this earth to do. My husband has been amazingly supportive and constantly reassures me that he has no need for biological children. I agree that I don't need a child with our genetic make up to be "ours". However biological has taken on a whole different meaning to us. To Bubba and I the only thing "biological" means is that the child will be ours and can not be away from us.
After Braxton was returned to his birth parents we felt an indescribable loss. Having that baby made us feel complete! Hayden just LOVED being a "brother". Having a family of four just felt right!
The night I packed up all of Braxton's things had to have been the most emotionally difficult of my life. I felt as if all of my dreams for our future were gone. I was sad that Hayden would never get to be a brother. I never wanted him to grow up an only child. As an only child he would be cheated out of the opportunity to love someone like I love my sister. It was also very difficult to see how hurt Bubba was.
I can't begin to describe the amount of guilt I feel. It is hard to know that I have caused my family (especially my husband) this much pain. I know that I have not intentionally caused any of this loss, but if my own body had not betrayed me we would not be in this situation.
We are now left with three options:
1) Stop being greedy and remain a family of three.
2)Attempt to adopt again.
As for number one we are not ready to give up......yet!
Number two is out for sure! We don't think we can handle another failed adoption and we don't want to put Hayden through that kind of loss again.
So it seems as if surrogacy is our LAST and only choice. In the past we had said that we would "NEVER" do surrogacy. It just seems ridiculous to spend tons of money to create another child when there are so many needing homes. The sad reality is that these children are unreachable!
After much thought and research we have decided to travel to India to do Invetro Fertilization and have an Indian Surrogate carry our child.
Why India? Well the cost of having this done in the USA would be in excess of $100,000. In India we will be spending roughly 20% of that. The average Indian women's income is less then $25.00 a month. The Surrogate will receive $7,500 for lending her womb to our child. This money is life changing for them. Many are now able to purchase a home or send their kids to college, it gives them opportunities that they would otherwise not have.
If you are interested in learning more, read this article: www.webmd.com/womb-rent-surrogate-mothers-india.
We realize that this is a highly debatable topic. Just remember that until you have walked in our shoes you should not judge! For those that do feel strongly about this topic please keep your negativity to yourself. We know our risk and have done an insane amount of research on this journey.
Currently we are busy completing the LONG list of labs and studies that our clinic in India is requiring. We are hoping to leave within the next couple of months. This journey will consist of (hopefully two) trips to India. The first being aprox 14 days. On this trip we will be harvesting my eggs (which will be done surgically since I have had a Hysterectomy). The eggs will then be fertilized with Bubba's sperm. If all goes well the embryos will then be transferred to our surrogate. The second trip would be to go back and pick up the baby.
We will use this blog to keep every one updated on our progress and latest events. Thank-you to all of our friends and family! We know that for many of you, you have been riding this emotional journey with us. We can only hope that this journey will be coming to a delightful end approximately 9 months after our first visit to India!